Have I overcome my trauma, depression and emotional eating? I would say that I’ve let go enough that it’s not a serious part of my life anymore. It’s more just part of my narrative now. A few pages in the history book.
I’m still processing and unwinding a few things, but my daily life and overall decision making is free of the influences of my childhood trauma. At least it seems that way to me.
During my 20s, I coped by staying more busy with the basics of survival, but eventually it became clear that I was just burning some fuel I had a limited amount of. When I turned 30 I just fell apart after a divorce and started making major changes in my life.
Exposure therapy, abandoning anti-depressants and self-medicating with healthier food, and a few low-dosage psychedelic trips were probably the three biggest factors in my change from helplessness/hopelessness to full independence.
I also did group therapy, psycho dynamic therapy, 2 years of anti-depressants (+3 years of several other anti-depressants and therapists earlier in adulthood), but those first 3 I mentioned were the most impactful.
Exposure therapy helped me gradually shift from feeling like I didn’t deserve to sit at a friggin restaurant or walk through a grocery store (lol, still smh at myself) to being able to wander around public without a doubt in the world.
Psychedelics helped me accept the fact that I had value and really ingrain it into me. I did them alone and watched Daniel Seigel TED Talks and similar material. It was awesome.
My family was convinced that I was the one with a personality disorder, and that my anxiety and depression where my own machinations to use them so I could stay lazy and comfortable in their home. It took me a long time before I really understood that they had it completely backwards, and even my therapists have typically led themselves to the same conclusions.
Every member of my family has a personality disorder and none of them have ever once been in treatment. None of them have friends. None of them are friends with each other. None of them do anything. It’s just awful. I removed myself entirely and don’t even watch the show from afar. They’re all essentially dead to me. That’s unfortunate. I’d love to reconnect with them in some manner and believe it would be useful for me and them but they, as usual, become too much.
This turned into a bit of a rambling instead of a cohesive email in to the site, so I want to stress that there’s nothing wrong with staying busy to survive too. I know many people try that. It’s a great survival mechanism and it served me well.
However, it would be wise to consider the deeper effects of your trauma, whatever it is for you dear readers, and how they shape your decisions on a foundational level. Therapy is great for that, of course.
That’s my experience. Hope it helps!
Like my pic 🙂
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